I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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