If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
