I look better un-naked...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
