I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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