Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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