my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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