u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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