She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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