listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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