So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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