this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
