We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize