Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
