if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
