this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
