this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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