it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
