Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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