come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
