YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
