as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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