do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
