Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
