How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
