sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
