the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
