I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
