i already hear my dad disowning me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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