This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
