she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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