I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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