I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
