he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
