I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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