Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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