He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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