ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
