Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
