the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
