I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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