matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
this hospital has no fireball
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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