The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize