You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
be right there i have to get my cape
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
