dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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