i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
