so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
