btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"