At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants