apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.