they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
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You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
where does the pee come out of this thing
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night