I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
