so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.