ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like eating out sand paper
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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