those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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