when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
