He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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