i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
