I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Come see our sink grown plant.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
