I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
