Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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