Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
