Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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