did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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