you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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