"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm just crazy horny about you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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