Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
