I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
