fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
