We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
