i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
