just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
